The way I see it, Diane, you know, I did her a favor, the way things were going I hate to say it, but I would have needed to kill her, reporters flying in from New York and Los Angeles to interview her and write her up in magazines, she got her colored picture in Gentlemen’s Quarterly, couples we knew were dropping by asking advice on their troubled marriages, all the lesbians in town thought she was some kind of sage superwoman, oh everybody loved her in 1976 and she had kindness and charm, she would take confused boys into our own home and feed them hot meals and let them play with her grown son’s old drums, and street men who smelled like death would crash in the living room and she’d never ask for money, she believed in white magic and prayers and did rituals, curandera she thought she was, but I was her man and knew the dark bruja inside and the arrogance I saw that others didn’t see.

Diane, I stayed in the corner and kept my mouth shut so she could be the star, so that she could light up our rooms I made myself smaller and smaller, and people who’d been my friends left me to become her friends, she had that much charm, she was filled with so many smiles, why I’d leave her and come back, leave her and come back, she worked such witchery on me I began to forget my own dreams, to forget I might have talent for something, she was that good, so loving and sweet on the surface you know like I said Diane I felt I had to kill her, and only I understood her dark moods when she slept for days, especially when she couldn’t find any pot to smoke, but finally I got the strength to leave for good and moved to a far city, I slept in my car, I was alone and knew no one, with boxes of clothes in the trunk, I never guessed she might fall apart, I got reports she could barely move and wouldn’t get out of bed and was drawing mythical animals with sharp teeth in her journal, a side of me was glad, I even heard she lived on the streets after she lost the house, but I knew her through and through, knew her strength, and I knew many loved her and would help, so she got herself together and lives in the country in a trailer on an old commune, and I found I had talent for things on my own, I got a real estate license and started selling houses, helping people make their dreams come true, yes, I too could give and love and gradually I grew surrounded by those who gave and loved back, like you Diane, and I know you’ll keep in confidence all that I’ve said, and you know I live a happy life.

Thank you, Diane, for saying you’ll marry me.