I Do Not Exist

by on February 7, 2014 :: 0 comments

photo courtesy Tyler Malone

I do not exist. I died yesterday. I can’t recall the exact date. It doesn’t matter. A year ago, 10, 50 years ago, 1 day, yesterday, it happened. A mad metamorphosis occurred. 1 hour, 1 second, 1 nanosecond ago. Puff!

I died.

“Oh no,” you say. “You’re still here. I see, hear, and smell you.”

“So what?” I say.

“But you’re alive,” you protest.



“What is life?” I ask.

“One infinite breath.”

“Infinite?” I say, looking quizzically at the other.

“Almost infinite,” you reply. “You breathe until you stop breathing,” you clarify.

“But what if you live for only 1 breath?” I say.

“That 1 breath seems eternal,” you say defiantly.

“I don’t believe you,” I protest.

“Too bad. Life is mysterious. Truth is fantastic. And you are alive.”



“What is life?” I ask.

“Consciousness. And you possess this enigmatic gift.”

“A gift?”


“Isn’t it really a curse?”


You stare at me. I look at you.

“I do not exist,” I say.

“No, you’re alive.”

And suddenly, you disappear. Puff! Gone. And so am I.

I do not exist, for no set of meandering eyes capture my universe. No one sees me. And even if someone did, I still would not exist. Indeed, I suspect I never existed.

You told me I am. You claimed you saw, heard, and smelled me. Then you vanished. Perhaps, you too never existed.

I died yesterday. When I took my morning shave, I looked in the bathroom mirror, and found no one. I wasn’t there. “Hello,” I said, as I gazed into the rectangular nothingness. I grimaced, gesticulated, and growled. Yet my face wasn’t there.

You came along and found me. And now, you’re gone too. Yes, didn’t I say that already?”

Stranger, what do you think? Do I exist? I died yesterday. But perhaps, you will enter the abandoned house I used to call my own, wander through its labyrinth, and discover my nonbeing. Will you see me? Will you speak to my emptiness? Will you resurrect me?

I died yesterday. My nonbeing, a gargantuan centurion, guards my nothingness.

Who will approach the ancient warrior and seek entrance into my fortress, the House of the Void? Will you?

But even if you get past the guardian, how will you find the secret key? You see, it does not exist.

editors note:

The best days are when you look into the mirror and see something you hate. With that hate comes change and reflection, hopefully, because it’s the worst day when you look in the mirror and nothing looks back at you. – Tyler Malone

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