Whiskey World Peace

by on September 14, 2013 :: 0 comments

photo by Tyler Malone

It should be required for everyone to get trashed underage, and at least once a month overage.

Nothing quite like talking to random people that you won’t give a shit about the next day. And there’d nothing quite like being best friends with them for 52 minutes.

There’s your world peace! The wells are only $2.00, and we’re all poor as hell. Screw work, but thank God for the bartenders that are working.

Buzzed yet? It’s only 10 PM.

Nothing like people crammed together like some damn factory farm. Nothing like a small, dim lit room with sticky floors. Nothing quite like yelling excessively to people five feet away from you ‘cuz it’s too damn loud. Nothing like getting shoulder bumped by douchebags and apologizing for standing where you are. Nothing quite like brushing up against a girl’s breast, and letting your elbow slowly graze past it. Nothing like standing in a semi-circle with your friends, and staring around aimlessly.

We still haven’t caught that buzz yet.

There’s your world peace! There’s your equality! Let’s hold hands and smoke menthols and piss on stalls! Bring on the love! I’m ready for it!

My buddy’s got the next round, but I don’t know where he went…

World peace through whiskey! No one gives a shit. Leave your inhibitions at the door. Bring your yoga pants and drop your God off outside by the smoking area. Mix your alcohol. Drink some piss beer and some nice micros. Order cheese sticks and Jägerbombs, and bum smokes off the fat 33-year-old bastard.

Nothing quite like people standing in lines for the sole privilege of standing inside. The privilege of walking from a wall to a table then a different table near a wall. Beautiful! There’s no world peace in sobriety; there are expectations and norms, behavior and consequences, conformity over freedom, pretty and ugly. There’s your duality!

People tell me love is unconditional. Get out of your condition. Get drunk and feel like shit.

Today is for sobriety, but the night is our domain. Peace dwells in 80 proof and vomit.

Viva la whiskey revolucion!

editors note:

This is a rebellion we all can believe in. It doesn’t require firearms or ambitions, just your nights and an equal amount of days where you can lay in bed and pontificate to no one but yourself about how soon things will change. Just don’t talk about revolution, because that’s going a little too far. – Tyler Malone

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