You’ve claimed to hate the stereotypical heteronormative marital agenda
But now you crave it
You fawn after him
Beg for his attention
You’ve aspired to be the showpiece wife adorned in jewels showcasing possession
You attained it then tossed your dutiful husband aside to fuck & suck men who glorify your worst traits
Open your marriage – only for him to achieve happiness you’ve never seen
Sabotage
Victim mentality
Mental health crisis
She cries to her pea-brained friends that are unable to decipher her delusion –
Why doesn’t he want me? She pleads.
I give him copious amount of attention & affection & praise
I am entitled to receive my husband’s undivided devotion
It is unacceptable for him to take his other wife out on Valentine’s Day
It is unacceptable for him to show her affection when I’m right here
I am never satisfied
I profess a false narrative to my lovers and friends but didn’t think through the consequences of their interactions
I think I’m right; I know I’m right
But my actions reflect a dissonance in my cognitive capabilities
Wait. They are the villains!
Me
I’m hurting
Me
I am safe within the confines of my delusion if I can keep up with the dissonance.
I need a sabbatical
Take me back to our pre-polyamory days where you waited for me to come back to you like a used napkin
Where I left you to rot on our couch while binge watching television shows – alone and spiraling – refreshing my location trying to ensure my safety
Where you didn’t know happiness existed outside of the wooden prison we built
Oh, by the way
Do you remember my coffee order?
You used to make me breakfast
You used to wake me up every morning
You used to take care of me
Get rid of her
We can be happier if we try again
But I’m not the problem and I will intellectualize it because I’m smarter than you
I fired my therapist
Took myself off my medication and self-medicated with external validation, alcohol, and illegal substances
I can save us.
Tell me, what do you want to hear?
I’ll tell you what you need to hear.
I’ll make it better for us
Make her leave.
– Alice Blackwell