I’m here to talk about addiction, my addiction
it is not noble, nor kind
there’s a drawbridge i have to cross at nine a.m. today
there are cars I have to beat before nine a.m. today
this is the fastest and slowest i can drive
on a highway with one hundred and forty dollars
half my savings, checkings – i’m not good with money
or vices, or staying around people for too long
i spend my time alone – i think i look better naked
i spend my time naked and alone

there’s white dust on the floor
and before nine a.m. today I search the carpet
on the floor, i’m so messy sometimes
when i’m inhaling, exhaling, pieces fall out of me
i think there’s a drawbridge i can pull down
lifelines, i love my family, and cocaine
i love cocaine; i love cocaine
i love addiction, and my family

i hope you know i am begging through the screen
or paper, or booklet, or bible
is it tired to say drug is a religion
i wish i didn’t blush, and look forward to,
and change my schedule, miss my work
i do it for him – cocaine
cocaine is a human construct, gendered
cocaine is a man who fucks me and is mean to me

– Zayeed Anwar