Gaslighting Myself

by on August 16, 2023 :: 0 comments

I dog ear a page in a book I haven’t read
& scrawl “!!!” in the margin
Beside a random sentence I’ve underlined

I write “Get Gazpacho recipe from Julie
ASAP! Incredible!” across the
Dry erase board on the refrigerator door

Without the slightest intention of ever
Erasing it. One morning
I will wander past it, aware that I’ve

Seen it many times, unaware
That there is no Judy
And that I hate gazpacho. Maybe

I will pick up a dozen old vinyl records
At the thrift shop, smash them up
And photograph the shards on the living room

Rug. One day scrolling through my
Phone I will wonder what
The hell THAT was all about. Why

Was I so angry at Vicki Carr or
Enoch Light? I’ll clip stories
From French & Brazilian newspapers,

Fold them up & stick them
In my wallet. Geez, I will mutter,
I guess I spoke French & Portuguese

But I don’t remember a syllable. And
Why do I have all these unopened
Bags of orange socks? Who is the girl in this

Snapshot? Why did I cut out
Her face? What sort of person
Was I anyway? And never

Suspecting as my brain turns
Slowly to macaroni salad that I
Was (am) just fucking with you (me)

Because I’m (you’re) kind of a
Dick but if it’s any
Consolation remember that

When I was laughing my ass
Off at your befuddlement
& distress so were you.

editors note:

A serious take on not taking yourself seriously. – mh clay

Leave a Reply