Can you read this shit? The print’s too damn small. And the light sucks.
Damn NYTimes. Text set at 8.7 point Imperial. We need better light.
Ever noticed that the paper towels disappear before the toilet paper? What’s
that about? I don’t want to know.
Jeez. We’re in a bar drinking rented water. And they think we want to read the Obits or Financial crap? Who the fuck comes to a bar to read in a damn bathroom!?
How can I even pee with such bullshit staring me in the face? If only I could aim higher.
Last week it was the Washington Post. This week it’s the Times. If the Wall Street Journal appears next week I’ll be wiping my ass with it for sure.
Ever noticed the guy at the bar who’s always banging at a computer? Claims he’s the writer here. Some kind of James Joyce. Whatever the fuck that means. He drinks
Guinness like a camel drinks water and always gets here early enough to get the best seat. What a right total bastard.
What deaf moron does the music they pipe in here? It’s about as Irish as my asshole.
Did you ever notice that one of the urinals almost always has saran wrap stretched across it and a frigging sign that says out of order? And it’s the one that’s for children. What’s that about? Jeez.
Ever wondered why there are so few Irish people working in this Irish pub? A shortage of green cards maybe?
It wouldn’t surprise me if they had cameras in here to “protect” us from ourselves. Fecking Nanny state!
Fuck off. I don’t talk to no one in here! You some kind of perv or what?