the trees are losing their leaves and I
am losing the will to clean my apartment
cause at 5pm the day says it’s done
and i’m ‘one with nature’
when it tells me I can
eat dinner in a bed that hasn’t
been made in a week,
sheets still tangled with
yesterday’s crumbs and all the shit
I wish I did when I had daylight
but it’s okay, I say,
the bears are probably doing
something, like, super similar
right now and I bet they don’t even
hate themselves

and then I cancel plans
for no good reason and I’m not sure if it’s
self-care or sabotage,
seasonal depression or restoration,
my body’s hibernation saying exaltation
is having nowhere to be
but here
after all, the bears are doing it,
the trees are doing it,
the leaves sprawled across the concrete
are, too –
do you really think they have the energy for
that dive bar on the east side
tonight?

I’m no different than a bear
or only slightly
only sometimes
we’re both mammals
with assholes and a
keen desire to rest
for six to seven months straight
with hairy legs and day-old coffee,
a looming shadow and dirty laundry
but the world still expects
all the same shit from me –
what about the bears, huh?
where was this energy when the bears decided to
call it a day for an entire season?
why don’t they need a reason?

seems you might be picking and choosing
and the bears won this time but
how can sinking be losing
when it feels so good,
and when the earth says to do it,
and when the sky feels lower and the
food tastes warmer and the dishes
keep stacking in the sink?
just you wait, come next spring,
i’ll be swinging from the trees,
sprouting new baby leaves,
drinking iced dirty chais
and daydreaming
you’ll see, I can be
so much
better