Cell Phone Instructions

by on October 20, 2020 :: 0 comments

“Hmm,” thought I.
“I pressed the button
on the phone called the
(balabala) button.
It says that it might cause a fire.
Yikes! My house might burn down.
The way to deactivate it is to
press the (hoseblows) button, then
wait for it to start flashing.
Then if it doesn’t, press the
(powpow) button if you start
smelling smoke. If the smoke
intensifies, press the
(yukyuk) button. If you see fire
coming out of the phone,
press the (flamebam) button that
automatically calls the
fire department, but don’t worry
because it might just be a warning.
If it is, press the (toratora) button
and hope that it is a warning.
If not, you can activate the
(spashsplash) button to turn on the
sprinklers to avoid calling
the fire department. If the
sprinklers don’t work, press
the (barabara) button, and if
it doesn’t flash, press the
(panic) button. If that doesn’t
work, get the hell outta there;
fast, pronto, speedily, swiftly,
like a gazelle or a bat outta hell
or a hippopotamus on drugs;
mucho rapidamente.
Goodbye and good luck.”

editors note:

And, for damn sure, leave that infernal thing behind. – mh clay

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