three cigarettes today
but today is a brand new day, I remind myself
I’ll get through alarms, reminders and to-do lists

a pile of jumbled words running in my head like typists’ fingers – tap tap tap
heart racing, out of breath, collapsing, interrupting to hold another breath
breath-less but still working – thump thump thump

there are fifteen faces I’ve to greet
faces will suddenly grow like omelettes on an oversized pan
from the days I’ve skipped breakfast

spreading, increasing amoeba-like but magnified
cup shaped fingers like fat wires of a blown out socket
reaching out to me like grim reaper’s slimy fingers

brushing their sweaty palms on my cheek
hands gently flowing down to bleach my spine with black sand
arms wide open, thrown at the sight of my body

our bodies will dance robotically to a music in their head
‘free hugs’ are claustrophobic and exhausting
but the campaign in their minds are advertised otherwise

I’ll fold my hands in prayer hoping it doesn’t last long
I’ll find the lighter, after knowing where it is
seventeen times

three cigarettes today
(and counting)