The Fat Man Cometh

by on December 23, 2017 :: 0 comments

The anticipation of the fat man’s arrival sits thickly, come somewheres ‘round mid-November.

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why…

Word on the street is it’s best yo watch out cos He’s comin’ back ‘round to town. The weakest amongst them weep and cry out in fear. They start to panic, knowin’ He’s near. A quick come-to-Jesus moment and their pitiful pouts turn to saccharine shouts of fabricated goodness and wholesomeness. But the Fat Man; oh, He knows by the tingle on of His chubby crimsoned nose that this is just a plotted ploy to get on His good side.

He’s making a list
He’s checking it twice;
He’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice…

Oh, no, no! Ol’ Kris “Fat Man” Kringle is too cool to be fooled or foiled. He steps up His stalking game, lurking behind every shadow to see if this crew of misfit naives have been angels or devils. Of course most are a blended mix of both. That don’t matter much cos when it comes down to it, the Fat Man’s list has no wiggle room. You’re either Naughty or Nice. Period. No grays on His listed inventory of souls. Only black and white.

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows when you’ve been bad or good…

Oh, He sees how the sheep sleep fitfully with trembling visions of the unthinkable repercussions prancing in their heads. When they awake from their long winter’s slumber, He’s there, too, watching and waiting, baiting them. The Fat Man is tireless in his trailings, noting the things they do and don’t do. The Fat Man demands goodness! He will stop at no end to ensure His holiday bidding be done!

So be good for goodness sake!…

Ready or not, the Fat Man IS comin’ to town real soon for His annual Judgment Day. And all you naughty souls best change your ways and pray to baby Jesus that you still have time to make His Nice list.

…the Fat Man is coming to town!

editors note:

Want candy or coal? Let’s be nice this season; lessen your carbon footprint. Ho, ho, ho! (Thanks to Johnny O, our Chief Ed and Master of the Swirl, for this Holiday warning.) – mh clay

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