It’s been awhile. It took a spell to feel well but now I’m back on track. Ol’ Humpty Dumpty me fell off the wall carelessly and my broken pieces scattered thin and it took all the King’s horses and forces to put me back together again. But, I am back…
I’m finding my heart again. Seems all I needed was a kick in the seat and just a little traction for my wayward feet. Now… I’m planted firmly (sorta) and my head’s back on straight (kinda) and my mind ain’t dwelling and cloudy and shouting at my sleeve bleeding heart which is finally starting to feel and thumping excitedly at all the possibilities awaiting me. The ticker was sick but not no more. What’s opened up with all this reconstruction from its mass destruction is a bigger door! From my heart’s shore to its other shore, from tip-top ceilings to down low floors! Now there’s room for so much more. I am back my friends and ready to feel.
I’m finding my eyes again. I’m no longer staring at yesterday’s whats, whys, whos and whens. I grew so tired seeing only yesterday’s classes with half-filled glasses. Now I’m looking out and seeing what is presently. My eyes have longed to see the here and now… soaking in this urban scene, quietly chaotic and loudly serene seeing hot assed summer breezes waving dreamily to the pock-holed pavement, Tejano music bloating and fading, floating and falling, accordion chords ricocheting off these technicolor walls on this X+ street seeing all kinds of beat and diggin’ on how beautiful it feels to see again. I am back my friends and ready to see.
I’m finding my ears again. All I kept hearing was chatter and lies, soul shaking sighs, breaking good-byes. But they opened up and I’m ready to sit and listen, to really hear, to perk up and give you my undivided attention and to fully absorb all these pictures you’ve been saying and praying and hoping just to be heard. Speak to my years, sing to my tears, shout to my fears, whisper in my ears, I hear you. I truly do. I am back my friends and ready to hear.
I’m finding my voice again. It was cracked and weak, ignored and meek. But it’s no longer keeping quiet. I got some words that have been waiting to speak, patiently sitting and bidding their time to bounce out in shouts out of my mouth and pair up and make them some rhymes! I’ve saved up a few stories or two too, believe you me. And my shout is back on, along with my whisper, too. They’ve just been waiting for the right time to play and say… “The time is now!” because I am back my friends and ready to speak.
I’m finding that the finding finds me finding more doors. Discovering something everyday as I’m scratchin’ at my surface. There’s still a whole lot more of me left to explore in this quest of rediscovering all of me. But you know what I really feel? I feel back, my friends, and really feeling real.