Hurry-up and Pee

by on April 2, 2011 :: 0 comments

is something I’ve thought of a million times
well, maybe only a half million
in so many different situations.

“Take this into the bathroom, sir,
and fill it to the thin blue line” said the uncaring technician
while I pray the poppy seed muffin from last night’s dessert
doesn’t disqualify me from another job
– even though it’s only an online teaching gig.

“The cops are comin ‘- finish already!”
whispers my fifteen year old drinking buddy
as we piss in the park woods, like all bears would,
after downing a half case of beer.

“And there it goes – another towering homerun for Gonzales!”
shouts the broadcaster through the radio speaker mounted above my head
as I struggle to wiggle any drops out
in a standing room only stadium men’s room.

“I can’t stay in this position forever, darlin'”,
purrs the kitty in the cozy bed
as I rush to little boy’s room
to alleviate fluid build-up
of the uncomfortable kind
for the more kindly type.

And right now
as I frenetically type away
I need to finish this
before I . . . oh shit
never mind.

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