How foolish and meaningless life is.

All the thousands upon thousands of hours
it took to create you
just as you were.

All your ideas of spiritual progression
and growth and
wanting something more than this.
Your laugh
Your smile
and the way you approached a problem
from different angles than most would
coming up with a unique point of view.

All this.
All this went into making up you,
then one day something foolish,
you breath in water
instead of air
asleep for a moment
a stupid fucking moment,
and where is all this!?
All this that made up you?
All this that the man who loved you
who adored you
who worshipped you
couldn’t seem to save!!!

in a moment,
a fucking moment!!

How fragile and frail
this thing we call life is!
How foolish.
How without purpose.

We sit and we talk
Hours upon hours
about our meanings
about our values
about how we are unique
and special and different
from everyone else,
and yet
still you are gone.
gone
gone
gone
Gone in an instant
your face like that
peaceful
haunting
the stuff of nightmares.

You were special and you were unique,
you were nearer to god than most
yet still you are gone.

Your eyes and toes and opinions.
Your words and mouth and promises
Your love for children
and music and me,
all are gone.

And this stupid thing
this man that loved you
is still hanging on,
hanging on for some reason
as if any of it means anything
as if it is not all as fragile
as an eggshell
or glass
or a foolish notion.

Where the hell are you?!?
All the things that made up you!?

All those hours
all those important ideas
and notions of the way things are.
What are you now that you are gone?
Just a memory in me?!?
Then, when I go
through some fragile
decision or another,
what are you then?
Where do you exist?!?!?

With all the time and effort
the universe put into creating
the one and only you that was you
why would it fucking let that go?!?

Are we all just foolish deluded bacteria
with some special illusion of grandeur
granted by evolution
in order to perpetuate our species
for whatever reason it exists?!?

Were we ever more than just
two foolish self-aware moments in space time
calling themselves artists
talking and talking late into the night?!?

Why then do I miss you so?!?
Why do I feel so incomplete without you?
If we are just tiny organisms in the scheme of things
perhaps we were symbiotic,
two creatures existing as one
perhaps I needed you
perhaps I needed you
perhaps I waited and waited and waited for you
like desert air waits for nightfall
like Spring waits for rain
like I waited for you
my entire foolish fragile life
only to kiss you
only to lose you
to lose you
to lose you
to lose you
in a moment.

It feels foolish and fragile
and meaningless
to be here
without you now.

My GOD!
My love,
my god…