Don’t cha just hate it when some no talent ass clown gets up
on the stage and you know and I know he’s going to suck
like a black hole even before he starts to suck he’s sucking
he’s going to suck so hard his skull is going to implode
and he even knows he’s going to suck and you can see him start
to sweat big salty beads roll down his forehead
his skin starts to look pale and you wish he had tits
so at least you’d have something to look at while he prepares to launch
into one of those 100 mile and hour auctioneer voice monologues
about something inane like how bad he sucks but he didn’t think to
write about that and he wishes he had tits to distract you
from how bad he sucks and before he begins he’s getting cotton mouth
and stops to get a drink of water and he’s sucking so hard
they name a vacuum cleaner after him and he’s wondering about the wisdom
of having a triple espresso with the cheese pizza before getting on
the stage and how much time three minutes really seems like eternity
and he’s wondering if his fly is open because the audience is looking
at him as if he was standing on the stage with his cock out and now he’s just
stand there sucking like a virgin on prom night remembering
how great this poem seemed last night when he wrote it at 4:20 in the A M
but now he even begins to doubt the self referential wit that he thought
would help to carry this thing over he begins to wish he had written it in
verse iambic pentameter or done it as a 130 beat per minute rap
just to baffle the audience with bullshit because he has no substance

he’s not really a poet hell he doesn’t even read he spends most of his time
waiting for his fat assed old lady and her kids to go to sleep so he can log on
to indecent acts dot com and jack off to German Goo girls
before his coyote ugly wife wakes up and seizes his erection
before it does its usual Houdini act and disappears at the sight of her
when he isn’t drunk enough and the lights are on retreating inside
like a turtles head of him when all he really wants is to just once
be able to cum with out the fear of getting her pregnant
because she’s got kids from her first marriage
and they’re great kids they’re so great he figures she got it right
the first time but he doesn’t want to have kids with anyone who has kids
like that now he’s gone off on this scatological tangent and he’s scrambling
to save himself before he bombs like a radical Islamic fundamentalist
then he feels guilty for bagging on the towel head suicide bombers
and he’s doubting the veracity of his own work and he’s wondering how
many people in the audience will have to go look up the definition
of scatological and veracity oh just shoot me now
he’s sucking so hard gods getting a chubby
he hasn’t said a word he’s just standing there sweating with his ass
about to explode and when the three minutes are over they mob him
with faint praise and you forgot that you were just wishing he had tits
now you just wish he could teach your girlfriends to suck like he just sucked
you swear he could suck a cinderblock through a 100 feet of garden hose
he’s forgotten that he was just wishing he had tits because he’s sucking
so hard now he’s gonna have to put out so now he’s wishing he had a cunt
we were right and he was right you’ve never even seen porn stars that sucked
so hard he never says a word he just walks off the stage and you applaud
because he sucks so hard he bends light.