Say you’re claustrophobic, xenophobic, and agoraphobic, old friend?
Sleep deprived?
Nightmares galore?
Bed wetter?
xxxNo problem. No problem at all. We’ll fix you right up.
Calling Dr. Delirious! Calling Dr. Crazy! Calling Dr. Frankenstein!
The Supermen of Psychiatrists will see you now…
xxxWe’ll cure any illness
xxxxxxreal or imaginary – with easy, monthly payments – and we even take Visa.
And know this my doubting Thomas,
eventually we’ll get to the bottom of the real you
even if it kills – I mean – cures you.

How? Glad you asked.
At our clinic, each specially trained and licensed brain mechanic
will replace your performance anxiety disorders,
xxxcheck your spiritual battery fluid levels,
xxxxxxsooth, manipulate and re-center those unaligned chakra cylinders
– all seven of them
and have you back on the streets, good as new,
xxxfor any road race, at your own pace, in society’s rat race.
But before we start…the procedure…
xxxPlease change into this tissue blue gown.
Remember? The one you wore last time? The one that shows
xxxyour skinny, boney behind?
Yes, that’s right – all the nurses adored it – even Nurse Ratched.
But before you plop yourself down
xxxon this cold, sterile, metal table,
xxxxxxplease bend over and touch your toes.
Now about that insurance card…