the first girl I ever loved is dead

by December 6, 2008 0 comments

the first one I prayed to God to
and dedicated songs on my walk-man
in post-modern days of trapper keepers
before Hilfiger,
when Marithé & Francois Girbaud
was the obsession,
I sat behind a girl in high school algebra class
a bronze angel complexion
she made me lose my religion
I remember when
my good friend Robert and myself
fought for her affection
It took a lot out of me
to offer a heart pendant
which she took
a tender thank you
didn’t say no
when I asked her to be mine
but, she said yes to Robert
after this crucial moment
they started their torrid life
heartbreak, love apart, together
the sweetest birds never sang again
sometimes they flutter inside
a few years removed from high school
we spoke again at the strawberry festival
passionately upset with her relationship
our near courtship
delightfully laughable
as she introduced me to her sons
what could have been our life
perhaps, if she had taken the heart pendant
the one hanging in her rosy locker
a locket never opened
life continued as it could be
with our separate lives
only a few disconnected phone calls
I know she always cared
I never forgot her
Her painful life couldn’t be spared
rainbows don’t have beds
they won’t sleep with me
they search for shallow rivers instead
a murder-suicide reached national news
a young family gone
a bloody diary
contrary to what was reported
nothing was ever solved
they say she off’d her family
several relationships later
I remember her still
I don’t keep hearts on pendants anymore
my talisman walks without fear
I held my fire
I kept it burning bright
my passion these days is a mission
going to catch me a new love someday
thorns from flowers never hurt me again
for I dream without flowerbeds
she was going to be happy one day
I wrapped her pain in one last prayer
I still haven’t found what she was looking for.

– Rafael Andrade Garza © June 30, 2007

Leave a Reply