CSI Looney Tunes

featured in the poetry forum April 2, 2023  :: 0 comments

I begin with a brown and white pointed seashell
murder weapon
Elmer Fudd detective enters the crime scene
bad-mama-jama is playing on the radio

Harry the CSI evidence collector won’t collect
Fudd frowns and grabs Harry’s hand
don’t be a don’t be be a do be
smear that blood onto a slide

Harry is spooning peanut-buster-parfait &
won’t put his spoon down
Elmer pulls Harry’s push-up-bra
Harry you’ll be a Harriet soon
the bra hooks thunder through
the twelve-foot by twenty-foot crime scene

Fudd pulls his four-inch gray beard
it’s rabbit hunting season
first a hare corpse
now Harry you’re a liar-liar
shut your mouth
divorced three times

there is someone
worth loving

editors note:

We’ll get you yet, Mistah Wabbit! – mh clay

Darth Vader in Jamaica

featured in the poetry forum November 28, 2022  :: 0 comments

open your passport to Jamaica
two light-years from the Death Star

smoke a spliff?
Will spliffing take me to the dark side?

digest jerk-chicken
Will jerking capture the force?

bend your back under a metal bar
Will limbo-ing convert Luke-Sky-Walker to the dark side?

walk on broken glass
Will glass-walking make Leia love me?

put-on a lime thong
Will thonging release me to the surf side?

Darth darkens the war of stars
still the force lights the Kingston night

editors note:

It all starts with spliffing. The Force Be(ware) With You! – mh clay

man rage

featured in the poetry forum September 7, 2022  :: 0 comments

getting there is what matters most to
not just in a truck but
getting off the highway
to a sext stop
to text how gray are the tire
blowout remains
in the emergency kill lane.
if the road’s rest
stops would be better rest for men
then men resting off road
would eat Hostess ho hos and ding dongs
as sugar would ride down men’s throats to
esophagus to stomach
men would drink Dixie-cup
beer shots and for a dollar
men would hear you’re the smartest
and for two dollars
men would hear you’re always right

editors note:

If gedunk were made just for guys… – mh clay

someone tilled me with a Troy-Bilt Super Bronco rototiller

featured in the poetry forum June 24, 2022  :: 0 comments

i can’t eat Alphabet cereal on a soup spoon
because my sugar’s too high
babble becomes speech

i can’t reduce my daddy bulge
because my stomach fat is mega alpha
da is doubled into dada

i can’t erect like a Cargotec crane
because my testosterone is below 300 nanograms per deciliter
cat dog pig multiplied into 2 syllables to caca doodoo porky

i can read my writing with glasses
because reading comes before writing
writing comes before reading

i can divide numbers & write letters
because numbers come before letters
letters come before numbers

i can inhale plants & exhale to plants
because oxygen comes from carbon-dioxide
the chemical periodic table joins letters and number

i can’t beat anymore
because birth becomes death
my EKG is the sound of tinnitus silence

editors note:

We come out, beat forth, are turned under. – mh clay

fifth-day and sixth-day collisions

featured in the poetry forum March 5, 2022  :: 0 comments

a black & orange oscar chases an orange & black goldfish
one-minute ago 6-goldfish released from a plastic bag
u serve fish that eat other fish
u won’t serve sharks that eat other humans
oscar has an orange fish tail mouth half-in half-out
head-first tail-first both swim to the stomach
the holy-net is green between ur index & middle finger
the net wave catches a pelvic fin
ur pinky & thumb drop an anal fin in ur palm
oscar pulls another quarter centimeter goldfish pharynx down
head-first head-last both swim to the stomach
u & Oscy swallow goldfish lips that entered caudal fin first
tail-first tail-last both swim to the stomach
ur thumb stroking Oscy’s dorsal fin
Oscy soft-rayed-fins u & anus excretes

editors note:

It’s a fish-eat-fish world out there! – mh clay

New Corner Road Side Store Awning

featured in the poetry forum November 4, 2021  :: 0 comments

a working girl has UNOPPORTUNITY
John u pass my corner
John u enter a bar
John u spend ur $ on Johnny
on payday John save ur $ 4 me
im yours 4 15 minutes
still on 5th & Main Street corner duty
if i could get the price is right corner
1-night in the contestant’s row bid
1-week in the showcase showdown
today’s mark-down: pay 4 a hand get a mouth
not in america
america is still mayflower-ing
i return to my corner & bend
my hips

editors note:

No breaks for the oldest profession during an inflated economy. (We welcome Robert to our crazy congress of Contributing Poets with this submission. Read more of his madness on his new page – check it out.) – mh clay

Da Foe

featured in the poetry forum August 13, 2021  :: 0 comments

without da no restraining order
no-one to shoot at
who da salt?
who da peppa?
no-one to say don’t come here again
i miss da foe

without da no war
no button to push
who da dark?
who da light?
no-one to oppose
i miss da foe

without da no broken heart
no-one to have headache
who da top?
who da bottom?
no-one to hate
I am da foe

editors note:

For friends, no foe-cus. – mh clay

All Niter

featured in the poetry forum May 13, 2021  :: 0 comments

not Lionel Richie singing all night long, really!
Pages & Pages unread humanities books, really!
Servant Dan Quote > 1,000 pages, really?
no Coles notes, really?
no-one selling Quote term paper, really?
read 1100 pages, 6 pm 2 6 am, really!
2 am, cnt c, re l l y
let go of my Twinky, REALLY!
1 Twinkie 4 1 Moon Pie, NO! really?
8 pm no video room 2 play Ms. Pacman, really!
no fun exam week, really!
11 pm p is Twinkie yellow, really-
Nodoz keeps awake, really?
4 am, diarrhea toilet reading, REAL…LY!
take PeptoBismal, when take Nodoz, really?
this is college, really?
Satan right my paper 4 my soul? NO! Really?
4 am 2 8 am, write Quote paper, really
Quote windmills r the enemy, really?
no more black typewriter ink, really!
press keys 2 red ink, redly
finger bondage 2 typewriter keys, really!
3 typos, reverse correction, still 1 typo, really!
liquid paper fixes typos, really?
alarm clock, push snooze, Really!
roomie took my jean Jacket? Really?
write my paper 4 my jean jacket? No? Really!
9 am dropped paper in teacher mail slot, really
asleep in student lounge, really!
calculus test in 2 days, really!
fall semester over, REALLY!
return spring semester? really?
spring semester, Ding Dang new vending machine snack, really!
teacher reduced my grade by ½ grade for red type, really?
drop registration form in this box? really?

editors note:

Here’s the source of student debt. Really! – mh clay