when the gunslingers sling grease

featured in the poetry forum July 20, 2022  :: 0 comments

Bukowski’s poems came at him like gunslingers
but my poems drag in like broke-ass farmers
they’re cranky from fifteen-hour days in the field
they’re sweaty, smelly, grimy, and rude

the tall one waves a bill for combine parts in my face
“write me so it looks like I don’t owe this”
I don’t know how to write his debts away

the short one snarls from my Laz-Y-Boy
“write me but leave out my thing with Tammy”
“no need for the wife to read about her”
his wife’s the only thing about him I could write

the fat one with the walrus moustache growls
“write me a new John Deere and a feed truck”
I’ll be lucky to write the grain smut out of his wheat crop

and the only woman among them
a redhead with serious business in her eyes
sits at my laptop and writes herself
I give her a thumbs up when she finishes
she douses me with lithium from her grease gun

safe to say that the poetry gods aren’t smiling on you
when the gunslingers sling grease in your face

editors note:

A good lube ain’t a bad thing! (We welcome Preacher to our crazy congress of Contributing Poets with this submission. Read more of his madness on his new page – check it out.) – mh clay

a word of warning

featured in the poetry forum May 20, 2022  :: 0 comments

looking for a bold addition
to your drab and soulless menu?
give our jack-a-lope nachos a try.

ooey-gooey imitation cheese infused into
the steamed and shredded haunches
of a cornball hybrid dreamed up
to sucker tourists into a dying town.

listen to the rave reviews.
“they set up in the gut like concrete and rebar.”
“a Grand Coulee Dam for your duodenum.”

jack-a-lope nachos, baby.
all the zest and zing of coronary distress.
all the heartiness of a capitalist deception.
the finest of unbelievable American cuisine.

a word of warning
the lawyers require us to add.
consume at your own risk.

new customer discount on the MEGA PLATTER.
dig in and discover what you’re made of.

editors note:

Or refuse to swallow and choke on your own terms. – mh clay

4XLOW

featured in the poetry forum March 3, 2022  :: 0 comments

headlines scream disaster and collapse
experts predict turmoil and strife
it’s the wrong time to waste money on frivolities
so, I splurged and bought a little foreign-built 4×4
plucked her from the clutches of the car crusher

she’s powered by an outdated V6 with
an occasional backfire and chronic thirst for 10W30
rust scars her door panels, wheel wells, and tailgate
her faded paint flakes and cracks and she’s missing a fender
all sure signs that we’ll make a great team

when I fire her up, she oozes real mojo
magic hums through her rotted tailpipe
mystical tremors rattle her dented hood
she’d rip her guts out to get me where I need to go
she’s the perfect vehicle for chasing the big storms

we’ll drive to the edge of town and wait
at the first flash of lightning, I’ll drop her into 4xlow
we’ll crawl toward that horror-cyclone that spins out of our daily news feed
we’ll blast through the gales of hype and hyperbole
we’ll surge through the tsunamis of contradiction and ambiguity
when we reach the calm of the eye, we’ll bring back the truth
or the truth will finish the task the car crusher aborted
either way, the selfies we snap on our journey should prove stunning

editors note:

We need one o’ them to traverse these treacherous trails. Heavy on the 30-weight! – mh clay