Jen Bochenko

You’ll just have to find some middle ground

someone tells me

but i am a pendulum in full swing
and the middle comes fast and frequently
and leaves just as quickly and as often

i am rushing from empty to full
i am gorging on His presence
and soon enough the same eyes that desire me
will cast me away with disgust
for He drinks me in lavishly and in excess
and like a true masochist, i let Him

and i ask all the questions from last time
because i will not be a drunken regret
-again

i am sober
He is not
He growls with desire
i growl in frustration
the pain and fury i feel as He is entering my life
-again
means it will all be amplified when He leaves it
-again

this is a rabbit hole i know i shouldn’t go down
but i will because i am a silly rabbit

and now in the cleansing sunlight of a new day
i worry not about being His drunken regret
but about Him being my sober one

i’m wondering about how far the pendulum will swing this time
how far can i fill up before i just explode
and i skip the middle completely
to be suddenly left at empty

Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.
― David Foster Wallace

I am a one woman wrecking ball
I am the Genghis Khan of love
I am Gozer the Destructor
An unabashed motherfucker
A woman to get rid of

I am Death, the Destroyer of Worlds
I am Time which destroys all things
I am one who destroys all hearts
And rips them all apart
Thread you with these puppet strings

I will crush your will
I will steal your soul
I will drive you into an early grave
Death is all I crave
Leave you rotting in a hole

I will wreck your hopes
I will wreck your dreams
I will wreck your innocence
My presence is that intense
Live life in all extremes

I am a beautiful mess
I am tragedy
I will draw you in
With original sin
Leave Eden with you always hating me

I am a beautiful mess
I am tragedy
I will capture you
With this enchanted view
Make you fall in love with me

I am the Queen of Hell
I am a sweet siren of the sea
I am the Wicked Witch of the West
And this is me at my best

You said and I believe

She is deep
But the water is as clear as the most perfectly formed piece of glass and I can see my feet stir everything up with every step I take

She is blue
But also yellow and purple and red and gray and all the colors of the spectrum that exist within our view, and some that do not

She is free
But held down by the heavy chains of doubt, fear, and societal judgment and her own critical eye

She is exposed
But hidden with coats and sweaters and long sleeves and t-shirts and hair and skin and muscles and bones

She is enough
But the dynamite is too much locked into too little with not enough in which to breathe

She is fragile
But steel has the strength to hold skyscrapers, bridges, and the weight of the world

She is vulnerable

She is deep
But the water is as clear as the most perfectly formed piece of glass and I can see my feet stir everything up with every step I take