This poem is rated R

featured in the poetry forum May 6, 2022  :: 0 comments

I surely will find
the steamy answer
in a pharmacy paperback
or a life hack from one of
Oprah’s guru guests
and I am sure
somebody pickpocketed
my broken heart
and donated it to
the thrift shop
because I saw one
of my ripped regrets
in a customer’s cart
and I could be
somebody’s grandfather
while mine was a dapper
Costa Rican man
who spoke broken english
while I twist my mother tongue
give it an overbite
like a cubist dentist
and I don’t aspire to
be this century’s innovator
I just want to be
some special woman’s
alternative
to a vibrator

editors note:

With a lifetime supply of batteries. – mh clay

Boho Honey

featured in the poetry forum February 7, 2022  :: 0 comments

I like quirky individuals
of the female persuasion
who wear Diane Keaton hats
sport funky boots
have dimple indentations
shoulders inked with tats
and who own
black cats
and a vintage vinyl
record player
where you can hear
the needle scratch
I consider them
with their hoop earrings
and smokey mascara
to be the best catch
because they can
adore Plath
yet still know
how to laugh
at an offhand remark
and they often
show great originality
as well as ingenuity
when we are
naked in the dark

editors note:

Sounds like every bobo’s dream. – mh clay

Nest Egg

featured in the poetry forum November 18, 2021  :: 0 comments

I should have saved
some moments
in a piggy bank
along with quarters
dimes and nickels
because even a
penny’s worth
of yesterday’s laughter
would now surely be
worth a million dollars
in the current currency
of curling up in
an easy chair
feeling sorry for
myself for having spent
life without saving up
for a rainy day
like this one
when it seems
I can only
afford a dollar
and a nostalgic
dream

editors note:

Seeking an investment portfolio that yields positive returns. – mh clay

Login Attempt

featured in the poetry forum August 21, 2021  :: 0 comments

How do you manage
your unruly hair
and your green eyes
all at once
I mean are your
freckles really
hieroglyphics?
because I read
your face like
obscure non-fiction
and skip to the part
that describes your lips
which have set sail
a thousand shipments
of online impulse buys
and I wish I knew
your password
but I have been blocked
after far too many tries

editors note:

Sad stalker stymied by a stunner. – mh clay

Repurposed

featured in the poetry forum March 20, 2021  :: 0 comments

I am wearing her ex’s
bathrobe and slippers
’cause I got caught
in a sudden downpour
meanwhile my Levi identity
and my Fruit of the Loom
elastic dreams
and V-Neck what the heck
sock-it-to-me
way of getting by
is tumbling in the dryer
as I sip hot cocoa
by a fire
and I would do it all again
because nothing can keep me away
from this divorcee
certainly not
a little rain

editors note:

Gaps need fillin’ by them who’s willin’. – mh clay

Small Talk

featured in the poetry forum December 7, 2020  :: 0 comments

I know instantly
if we have chemistry
when you share
your personal history
and then when you
speak of the future
that you envision
I try to picture
your dreams
and imagine
myself within them
and as for your
great complaint
and those
grim images
that you paint
just remember
this is our first date
and your psychiatrist
I ain’t

editors note:

Speed date or self-disclosure, seeking soulmate or psychotherapist. It’s a crapshoot either way. – mh clay

Naughty, Naughty

featured in the poetry forum March 14, 2020  :: 0 comments

We all draw dirty pictures
on the bathroom stalls
of our memory
and we exaggerate
the features
of those who insulted
or praised us
or perhaps raised
our vibrations
or threw us
under a bus
thus
we live with distortion
mental gymnastics
and contortion
we are just too near-sighted
to deal with that which is far
from perfect
so we get drunk
and heed the
graffiti on the wall
and for a good time
we call

editors note:

And then the number turns out to be disconnected… – mh clay

Overqualified

featured in the poetry forum July 10, 2019  :: 0 comments

I am being groomed
to be entombed
it happens every night
when I lay down
and cross my hands
over my chest
like my grandfather did
when he napped
and like a graduate of life
in death I will be
black-capped
and buried
deep with my diploma
and ready
to submit my resumé
which will be
whatever the heck
my gravestone
words will say
and as for me
I will be hired
by the HR department
of eternity

editors note:

It’s tough to sell that 5-Year Plan when dead is forever (but, HR has the form for that). – mh clay

Imperfect Gentleman

featured in the poetry forum March 4, 2019  :: 0 comments

I am beginning
to see you
in a new light
rather than the old
flickering bulb
of my preconceptions
and now
the faults and the perfection
seem positively photogenic
It’s like my mind’s eye
cannot take a bad picture
of you
from your “say cheese” smile
to your movie star profile
to those out of focus
moments when you
are within the motion
of some emotion
or other
lover
or should I say former stranger
it’s a pleasure clarifying
our many misunderstandings
and I know this will
always be new
that is until the evening comes
when I forget to open
a door for you

editors note:

Just when you think you got it down… think again. – mh clay

Check Out My Crib

featured in the poetry forum September 17, 2018  :: 0 comments

I don’t know
any more
than an infant…
I too, cry
through carefully-
constructed words
so that I can be held
by the attention
of others
and intellectually
coddled and cuddled
with constructive
criticism or better yet
the suckle of warm
milky praise
just because I don’t
wear diapers
or suck my thumb
doesn’t mean I am
all that evolved
or that the Rubik’s cube
of my dilemma
has been absorbed
and absolved
in fact I am still
trying to lose
my baby fat
and am still
getting weaned
off my teens
and have to stop
teething on the midlife
midwife of midnight
loneliness
who sings me lullabies
getting me ready
for her very last
goodnight kiss

editors note:

It’s all wail and wiggle from womb to tomb. – mh clay