The Wall

by on September 16, 2016 :: 2 comments

photo (above) "The Greatest Wall" by Tyler Malone aka The Second Shooter

Once upon a once upon a time time time I gave up on my life—that is I gave up all the things that make life worth living.

Like hoping, wanting, wishing—in fact I gave up as many feelings as I could get rid of.

Strange how that works. You decide—only semi-awarely—to stop feeling pain.

You put up a wall—invisible, impenetrable—surrounding you.

Seems reasonable enough. If the wall is thick enough, no one can hurt you, disappoint you, reject you.

Right?

But the wall takes over—develops a life of its own. What you don’t realize— what I didn’t realize— is that sooner or later you find yourself trapped inside. Not only can nothing get in— but you can no longer get out.

Walls are funny things. They don’t discriminate at all. You build the wall to keep away the hurt, the heartache, the pain, the possibility of disappointment.

But the wall doesn’t stop there.

As hard as a little love, warmth, laughter, pleasure may try to get in, they cannot.

You may scream, cry, plead, pound on the wall with your fists, but it refuses to budge.

No love is able to penetrate the wall, either in or out.

You find yourself trapped in echoes.

You see what you think you want on the other side of the wall.

But by the time you get it—the wall is invisible, remember?—it is no longer what you want, or ever wanted in the first place.

Sooner or later you stop beating your head against the wall, catch on to the hopelessness of it all, and give up the search.

And so begins the endless game of ring around the rosey with yourself…

editors note:

Build yourself, make you who you want to be. See yourself shine beautifully, then crumble. Destroy yourself. ~ tyler malone

Comments 2

  1. pchsmith2002@yahoo.com'
    pchsmith2002

    Harley:

    Yes, walls work both ways. Hope Trump realizes that.

    He probably doesn’t.

    Enjoyed this – the vulnerability after realizing how isolating walls can be.

    Sincerely,

    Paul Smith

    1. Post
      Author
      Harley White

      I appreciate your reading, Paul. And I’m pleased to know that “The Wall” struck a chord… at least so I suppose from your remarks.

      Thank you for taking the time and trouble to comment!

      Your fellow Mad Swirler, so to speak…
      Harley

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