Dear God, what have I become?
I absolutely adore the shit,
grime, stench, and rot of the Dark Levels.
I am a Spiritual Masochist,
that eeeccchhhoooo-ing mental anguish
is almost addictive…
it tastes of partly healed sore-scabs,
and has a rough texture,
not brittle like sandpaper,
it’s softer, more of a wet suede.
I was only young when I first witnessed
someone whom I cared about
erupt into insanity and violence…
the entire world stood still,
and they were the centre of everything,
a furious, miraculous, magical opera…
like a Tornado tangoing with an Avalanche.
That’s Passion, I’ve never seen
someone that much alive, it was perfect.
I’m smoking her dog-ends…
as she thief-rifles through my empty pockets…
all is as it should be, again.
This is not a detour, nor a destination,
deplorable and despicable, yes…
but, it’s more than merely an experiment,
I’m potholing the soul,
jackhammering my nucleus,
tearing apart the delicate underneath,
and ripping out my own emotional intestines
to feel, to feel… to FEEL!!!
Where did it all go wrong?
I don’t want to go back and fix it,
I want to do it all over again, bigger.
I broke a tender part of myself,
and I feel NOTHING, except interest
as I watch it grow back armour-like.
Dragging my own ‘Sunshine’
through the filth and slop of The Gutter,
applauding the Rain,
which actually washes away nowt,
but in fact, just makes everything messier…
oooh, I feel a connection, of a sorts, at last…
pass me on over the debauching bottle,
and this bleak afternoon’s distancing dynamite.