I sit in silence this evening
pondering how past events have led up to this day
how each feather of wisdom
drifts silently in the medium of memory;
the know becomes the unknown
thoughts linger for a brief moment
evoking overwhelming fear,
the distant sound of hunting dogs
merges with listless regrets
that never find resolution
but drift in and out of memory
questioning endings and beginnings
forming the garment of the self;
this wooly coat is pulled tight
against a chilly world.
This mirrored reflection stings the heart.
Yet each fully experienced moment
lights the darkness
leaving us no time to question
what might have been,
comfort is found only in hindsight.
I hope to touch vague longings
seeking intangible resolutions
that move through this experience of succession,
I search for another pattern
to hold reason and passion in tension.
I am lost in the marsh of memory
where phantoms lead me into speculation
searching the might have been
I tread over long-dead leaves
seeking lost hopes.
I struggle with these unresolved contradictions
as I move towards a dark future
where shadows juxtapose dissimilar images
erasing the known;
these images intertwine into frightening shapes
forming reflections that are not one but many;
tearing myself from myself
I know this pale future
laughs at these futile attempts
to avoid knowledge too painful to face.
Still, something remembers;
memory is present to a self,
something is explored
someone does this exploring;
or is this feeling a card house
built by the imagination
to protect the self against a cruel night
too severe to meet with an unprotected gaze?